Friday, May 28, 2021

Renewed Bottom 10 - Bottom 20(!) WORST Video Game Movies

Here is Part 3 of the Video Game movie series. And this one is the Bottom 20.

Video Game movies have a reputation being bad. Very bad. So I presented the good lists first. But this needed a bigger list. And since this is such a special list, it won't be an actual list, aside from 3. You'll see...

So here we go...

The Bottom 20 WORST Video Game Movies

Dishonorable Mention: Monster Hunter: I haven't seen this movie. Honestly, I didn't like the game franchise. It wasn't... fun. Looking at the trailers for this movie, it doesn't interest me at all. If you've seen it, please leave a comment. If it's bad enough, I make it part of the official list.

20: Super Mario Bros: Yes, this appeared on my Top 10 list. But purely from the nostalgia. But Super Mario Bros was a shitty movie. Back when it was released... and it has gotten worse over time. I love this movie, because so far, it is the only SMB movie... but this is hot Garbage.

19: Street Fighter: Raul Julia. That's it. This was also on the Top 10. Raul Julia is the only real positive. The animated Series was better. The animated SF2 movie was better. This...... it was a bad movie. But... Raul Julia.

(Numbering ends until the end)

Pixels: Adam Sandler is a living legend. But... even legends can have ruts. And for Adam Sandler, this humans vs Video Games movie was... horrid. What makes it worse, Futurama did this almost exact premise YEARS before this movie was out... and did it better.

DOOM: Starring The Rock and Karl Urban, someone thought it was a great idea to make a horror movie based on the original FPS. But it was missing real horror. There is one shining moment. The protagonist ends up with a full on FPS scene... about 6 mins. And it's the only good 6 mins of the whole movie. See if you can find it as a clip on YouTube.

BloodRayne: So, I'm gonna mention two names. Remember them. Kristanna Loken and Uwe Boll. Hot kickass female vampire... that is what the game series was. How can the movie be worse? Uwe Boll.

In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale: Did amyone else know this was based on a video game? I didn't. But I tried it out. Jason Statham... one of the best modern day action stars... can't act. He can't. But how can we make this one worse? Kristanna Loken... directed by Uwe Boll.

Alone In The Dark: The game series changed the business. The first ever 3D survival horror game filled with non-linear gameplay and puzzles galore. The movie... had Christian Slater!!! What could go wrong? Uwe Boll could. A lifeless movie. And not the zombie kind.

House of the Dead: A horror rail shooting that made a name for itself when rail shooters were cool. How did the movie work? Well... see Alone in the Dark but without a good cast... but yes, still Uwe Boll.

Double Dragon: This was a very cartoony movie, without having animation. More corny than Street Fighter, but without out the standout performance. That includes a very hot Alyssa Milano AND Robert Patrick who you could tell was trying to take his role seriously, but he just... couldn't.

Prince of Persia The Sands Of Time: Disney tried to tackle this one. Spectacular cast, including Jake Gyllenhaal, Sir Ben Kingsley, Alfred Molina, and Gemma Arterton. It looked amazing. So what happened? The story...... it make you sleepy. It is boring, fruitless, lifeless. And a plot full of holes. But dammit... Parkour!!!

Need for Speed: Okay... so... on my Top 10 Based list, I mentioned Mortal Kombat(1995), and the issue of a PG13 movie based on R/M material. This... is that amplified. Need for Speed is a series where you are street racing(or the cops). That... that is it. Adding the human element hasn't worked for the game series. Focusing on it ruined the movie. You can't have a Character driven movie based on a series with no memorable characters.

Mortal Kombat Annihilation: Sequel to the original movie... this doubled down on the problem. The first movie was PG13 based on M rated material. This poor excuse for a sequel barely even followed the first movie and magnified the campiness. The great casting for the first movie, even it was gone... Tagawa's character was dead, but no Wilson... no Ashby... no Lambert. All replaced. James Remar... irritated the hell out of me. Only high spot was Shao Kahn, and even his lines were so damn stupid... it made the whole thing worse.

Max Payne: Mark Wahlberg is NOT a serious actor. He is a great comic actor. But... I can't take him seriously. But someone thought to put him in a noir driven psychological action film. That could've been more if it had picked a direction. Multi-faceted movie that shouldn't have been.

Silent Hill Revelation: Don't have much to say about this one. The first one was a pretty decent horror flick. But much like the Silent Hill games, this franchise is already dead... and maybe it should've been beforehand.

Lara Croft Tomb Raider(2 movies): I'm not a fan of these 2 movies. This was not a Tomb Raider series. It was an "Angelina Jolie in Tight Shirts" series. Let's make the shirt tighter. The games had a decent story. What happened?

Assassin's Creed: I'm not a fan of the games. I can't do stealth. But the lore. The stories. They are all pretty damn good. What happened here? This was so broken, no amount of Fassbender could patch it up.

Warcraft: So... a soul sucking franchise with vast lore. Let's turn it into a movie. This is one that proves why most games shouldn't be movies. The most appealing part of Warcraft and WOW is the gameplay. You CAN'T play a movie like a game. No interaction. And... Hollywood doesn't seem to understand this. As for Warcraft, it was half assed... and then someone decided to half ass that. Call it Quarter-Assed.

Street Fighter: Legend of Chun-Li: Kristen Kruek is not a good actress. I loved Smallville. Loooooved Smallville. But she wasn't all that great. So... let's make her one of the most recognizable female fighting game characters. The acting was disingenuous. The fight scenes were TOO choreographed. It just wasn't good.

DOA Dead Or Alive: So... this gaming franchise was campy with jiggly boob physics. They had a beach bikini volleyball spinoff. That explains everything. This movie was absolutely that. Too campy. Too cheesy. But... bonus points for Devon Aoki doing her badassery thing...... minus points for dragging poor Kevin Nash into this.

And the Number One for WORST Video Game Movies......

1. The Resident Evil Franchise: The best selling horror video game franchise. Good characters, solid story. And was able to reinvent itself with the last 2 installments. And the movies tried to reinvent as they went along. But... that is where the similarities end. The entire movie franchise focused on a character that was even in the games. Cool idea... but it introduced most of the game characters anyway. So... that character, Alice... played by Milla Jovovich... made a name for herself as an actress who did her own stunts. Awesome. And the franchise forced the idea. It quickly stopped being a horror movie franchise, and a "hey, look at this" franchise. Including a 3D movie that was pretty much a 3D stunt film. All of that... they aren't the reasons why the Resident Evil franchise is the worst on this list. The reason... is the law of averages. This franchise has 7 or 8 movies... and ZERO good ones. None of these movies are good. With so many, you would think they made one decent one. None... NONE. Not only the worst video game movie franchise... but a candidate for one of the worst movie franchises overall. Avoid... these... movies. And if some reason you like any of these movies, well... good for you. They suck.

There is the "list". Video game movies generally suck. This post could be MUCH MUCH bigger. But I tried to keep it shorter. Have any you think suck and should be on this list? Say so in the comments. Share this. And check out the 2 Top Ten lists that go with it.

Part 3 of 3. Have any suggestions for Top Ten, Bottom Ten, or Partnered lists for movies... please leave a comment. I will churn these out as often as I can.

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