Unlockable Gems - Super Mario Bros

Copyright Buena Vista and... Nintendo, of course

Super Mario Bros

Starring Bob Hoskins, Dennis Hopper, John Leguizamo, Samantha Mathis

Directed by Rocky Morton & Annabel Jankel

Concept: Someone decided to turn Nintendo's flashship brothers from another plumber into a dark live action movie

Era: This movie isn't part of an Era, it is the START of an Era. Super Mario Bros was the first video game live action adaptation... started a trend all of it's own.

Execution

Here we go...(now do it again in Mario's voice)

Cast: So here is where we know the casting director tried: the legendary Dennis Hopper, the lovable Bob Hoskins, up and coming comedian John Leguizamo, everyone's 90s girlfriend Samantha Mathis. And... some how, Hopper and Hoskins knew this was a shit show. Stories of Bob Hoskins drunk on set... Dennis Hopper looks like he tried, but still found a way to phone it in. And as great as John and Samantha were, they had almost no chemistry... and no chances to build any. The marquee is stacked... but they really didn't know what to do that. Score: 12/20

Presentation: Whoever designed these sets REALLY like Total Recall and the Judge Dredd comics. And for some reason, they had to have that kind of aesthetic. How does that work with Mario? Someone tell me how... Soundtrack was definitely kiddie with some tongue in cheek references("Walk the Dinosaur"). Also, for a parallel dimension with evolution from dinosaurs...... had plenty of people who didn't look the part. This is legitimately Total Recall for Kids. And... it kinna works. Score: 14/20

Chronicle: Story... hahahahaha! What story!?! It has holes... but the holes have holes. And yes, I know this was supposedly targeted to the younger gamers back in the early 90s and I'm an adult looking at it. But... even back then, I knew it wasn't good. Let's start with the meteorite. How... did only that small piece break off? How did Iggy and Spike screw up that many times? Koopa uses the machine to make them "smarter" and it failed. How did Mario and Luigi get arrested so easily and not have any other plumbers in the prison? Does the Mushroom Kingdom not have plumbers? And Lena... what? The side story between Mario and the bouncer and the most awkward sexual harassment dance scene in a video game movie ever!!! What really is this movie? Score: 2/20

Legacy: As mentioned before, it is the first live action video game movie. So of course, other companies were like "we can do it too", even though SMB DIDN'T make their budget back in theaters. And it set a bad precedent. There aren't very many good video game movies(see the lists). And it's because it has some of the same formulas that are just broken. Hell... the NEXT video game movie after this was... Double Dragon. Legendary Robert Patrick having fun and phoning it in at the same time, 80s/90s girlfriend Alyssa Milano, and no one had any real chemistry. It did worse in theaters. So, while it is AWESOME that SMB was the start of a sub-industry...... that sub-industry took 30 years to finally get things right. ------ there is more. So there are some really good corny jokes... some of them so terrible, but worthy of a cringe-laugh...... including when the worlds merge, the World Trade Center look like they had been destroyed...... yeah. NOWadays, I look at it and laugh my ass off. I like dark humor. I LOVE unintentional dark humor. Score: 18/20

Nostalgia: I'm an old school gamer. I'm a part of the target demographic when this movie came out... and it led to wanting to watch all the video game movies coming out. I was also that demographic that loved most of the TMNT adapted movies... and I was all in on that Power Rangers movie. That was me. And even now, I love this movie. I hate the movie. It isn't a great movie. It is so bad, that it is still good? No... but they knew who they were targeting. I can't say that with most of the bad list, but I can ALWAYS say that about Super Mario Bros. Weird... fond memories of watching the movie, but not of the movie itself. That is how it is. Score: 18/20

Final Score: 64/100

Final Grade: D

Conclusion: This is not a good movie. But for most, it could be a solid "so bad that it's good movie". That isn't a positive... but it isn't a negative. And seriously, there are WAY WORSE video game movies that have been made since.

It's all a matter of opinion: I cannot stress enough that THIS is MY opinion, you can either agree with me or not. I don't have to justify my opinion, because *clears throat" that's what this blog is about. Whether I like it or not doesn't mean you have to or not...... I'ts just my justification behind MY recommendation... Which leads me to my FINAL JUDGMENT...

FINAL JUDGMENT: If you haven't seen it, I recommend it. Yes... I said it wasn't good. But it is also good enough to still watch. See those tropes being born. And see WHY video game movies usually don't work. Games... the player has an active role in what is going on. Movies... the viewer does not. Not all types of games would work as a movie concept. And I think Hollywood is finally figuring that out. Regardless... yes, see it. But you have been warned of the flaws.

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So Super Mario Bros gets a 64.

Honestly... it's better than I thought it would get. And it deserved some love for being on both the best and worst lists.

There is another that got that honor, and so check out the other Unlockable Gems from today for that one.

What do you think? Too nice? Too harsh? Any video game movies fill you with nostalgia? Share it in the comments... and share the posts too.

And please don't forget...